I thought I had already gone through the most difficult part when I delivered my baby until I started breastfeeding.

I never thought breastfeeding will give me so much emotions – pain, happiness, love. I was too focused on pregnancy and giving birth and no one really told me about the beauty and struggles of breastfeeding.

In the beginning, breastfeeding is very hard and very painful, as painful as labor pains or even more (at least for me). There was even a time I just wanted my breast cut off. I felt electrocuted, or like a hundred ants nibbling my nipples.

The first weeks are the most horribly painful part but it gets better as time goes by.

Below are some of my breastfeeding experiences I would like to share and only breastfeeding mothers can relate.

1. When baby was still too small to master the latch and her daily struggles to latch literally cut my nipples to bleed. Nipple shield on the rescue.

2. When I forget to switch. One side orange , one side coconut.

3. When baby cluster feeds, feeds for hours, feeds constantly and never gets satisfied. It makes me wonder the amount of my milk supply. Is my breastmilk sufficient enough?

4. When baby likes to massage, pinch, scratch and squeeze my boob with her little hands while breastfeeding and worse I forgot to clip her nails.

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5. When baby is so distracted with the surroundings so feedings take hours to finish. Baby stares at the ceiling, the light, the walls, or my face.

6. When I want to use the toilet but I’m in the middle of breastfeeding.

7. When I thought baby is in deep sleep so I try to unlatch only to see her suck hard as if saying “No, I’m not sleeping and you can’t take out the booby from me.

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8. When the mailman delivers a package and needs my sign but I’m breastfeeding and there’s no one else in the house, just baby and me.

9. When baby coos while breastfeeding.

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10. When baby poops while breastfeeding yet continue to feed.

11. When baby sleeps for long hours I get very full breast, clogged nipples, rock-hard breast, chills. I’m half dead. Mastitis it is. Thanks for the nurses in my clinic for the breast massage. It really helped.

12. When baby won’t sleep without booby in her mouth. I’m a human pacifier.

13. When baby bites and pulls the nipple.

14. The midnight feedings. Sleepless nights are so real and six to eight hours of continuous sleep is only a wish.

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My baby is still three months and three weeks as of writing and I’m not even half of my desired breastfeeding journey.

Even how hard and painful and difficult breastfeeding in the beginning is, I am very grateful and happy to be able to experience this.

Not all women can be a mother and not all mothers can breastfeed.

There is a very special feeling that flows with my breastmilk from me to my daughter. A special bond, a baby’s survival, a mother’s unconditional, selfless love.

To all new moms who are struggling with breastfeeding, in pain, ready to give up. Don’t. Rest assured your glory days will come.

Now, I enjoy breastfeeding. I love it. I love the feel of my baby in my arms. I love how she needs me. And I hope I can continue to breastfeed her as long as I can, as long as she wants.

Kudos to all breastfeeding moms.